The above question is an interesting one. *strokes non-existent beard*

It touches on the ideas of fate and destiny. Are people pre-destined to become ill? Do the stars align by some cosmic force to bring about your success in life? Were we always destined for fascist leadership in the Western world? Is there some wind of fate flying past us all, touching only a few with gifts and talents?

I don’t believe this is true. Everything has a cause, but not everything has a reason. I think we focus too much on the “meaning” coming towards us, and not enough on our response to what’s happening in front of us. Let me explain.

I feel like the weight should be more on our choices once something happens. The older I get the more I believe things happen to stir a response from us. Example – I have a lifelong chronic illness. I will need to take medication and do tests and see doctors and have treatment for it for the rest of my life. It may get worse, it might not, but it will never go away. It was caused by a genetic mutation, it had nothing to do with lifestyle or my own choices. So it was basically entirely out of my control. After the initial shock of diagnosis (I was diagnosed whilst pregnant, would not recommend), I had choices, and so did the people around me.

Some choices were medical (do I want a biopsy to help my doctors determine the extent of my illness? Am I prepared to take the right medication? Do I understand my illness, and if not, will I take the time to learn about it and how to manage it?). Some choices were about lifestyle (am I prepared to change my diet to support my health? Can I build a rest and fitness routine that supports my overall health?). And some choices were about mindset (am I emotionally and practically prepared for a future where I might decline? How do I view my time in this world now? Do I have a greater compassion for others going through chronic health situations? Am I ready to seek help if I ever feel down about it?).

If we are going to go so far as to say that there are reasons for things, I believe the reason behind most things is this: how will you respond? Will you fight? Will you learn? Will you love? Will you connect with others? Will you fix things? Will you ask questions? Will you do what’s required to manage the situation?

This question around there being a “reason” for things is also especially loaded when bad things happen. We so desperately want to understand the purpose of bad things that happen in our lives and the lives of others. It’s that human desire for things to always be good, and bright, and joyful and warm. I love this part of the human spirit. It absolutely isn’t fair that some people become ill, and others don’t. Why is it that the political canditate who cares and loves for their community of constituents loses out to a fraudster who has scammed and hurt so many? Why does power go to the wrong people? Why does bad happen to good people? It’s always been a bit of a cosmic mystery to me that this world is full of light and dark, brightness and shade, joy and sadness. Why did I receive a strange illness diagnosis and not the next person?

I don’t think anyone can answer this conclusively, and as you can likely tell, even I’m still trying to figure it out.

But I do know this – when bad things strike (no matter the “reason”) the right question to be asking is: what will your response be? How will I act? Will you protect this person who has been wronged? Will you learn more so you can contribute something meaningful? Will you show up for your unwell friend? Will you fix what you have broken? Will you do what is right?

Without meaning to a lot of what I’m discussing here I’ve been exploring in my debut novel. A few characters in particular have made unwise choices, leading to hurt, brokeness and messed up plans. Others have been caught up in their wake. Whether they were scared, unsure or just not thinking clearly, there’s always a cause of these mistakes. But I wouldn’t go so far as to say there’s a “reason”. What matters more to me is what these characters choose to do next. That is what determines the strength of a person, the quality of their character, the power of their story and impact on this world.

Sadly, there will always be times the wrong person is given power. What matters is how those around that person respond and make it right. There will always be someone, somewhere becoming ill. What matters is how people rally around that person, loving, caring, offering support and friendship in a difficult time. Tragedy will strike as it may, but what matters is how those nearby turn their heads and engage with what’s left until things are right once more.

Often I think we struggle with this concept of “reasons”, because we need to understand our pain, our struggles, our hurt. I truly understand this deep need to understand the purpose, the meaning, the reason. I have struggled with it many times when bad things have happened around me. But sometimes it’s just what happens, not willed by anyone, not created by something, just happening as it does.

We are such personal beings. We want to understand. We want to feel safe. We want to know that good will conquer over evil. I for one am focused not on the “reason” things happen, but what I will do when things happen in front of me? I ask myself, how can I respond? What can I do with my privilege, my voice, my actions that will bring good back into the equation? I believe that is where our focus should lie.

I don’t deny that that horrific things have happened to some of the best people in this world. No one should watch their child suffer and die. No one should watch global genocides and tragedies overcome. No one should have to witness great evil carried out at the hands of evil men.

But we cannot sit by. Stand up and fight. Donate, vote, challenge, provide, care for, disempower the wrong, empower the right. Don’t let the event define life, define it for good with the power you have in your choices.